does anyone else have this problem?

[vints]

Im a childminder with 2 kids of my own. One of my mindees regularily tells on my child even though he hasnt done anything wrong. Its really frustrating as I have to discipline my child and it not fair. I end up separating them and sending him upstairs.

ow can effectively deal with this problem without upsetting anyone? Any ideas would be welcome as it happens every day now!

Thanks, Vints

[pr1nc355sara]

How old are they and what are they telling you?

My 7yo tells on my 3yo, but usually it's only little things like standing on things or being silly. I just say to the 3yo things like ''Oh that's not very nice'', ''please play nicely together'', ''why don't you do X instead'', ''so and so won't want to play with you if you do X''...

But the 7yo is still learning that if he does something that he knows is wrong he will be disciplined, whereas the 3yo is still learning that doing X is wrong so only gets an explanation. 7yo finds this hard I think.

[Ruthierhyme]

Hiya, try to see if they're able to resolve the problem between themselves, hopefully eliminating the need to tell tales and involve you in a blame game, it'll also help them to sort conflicts out amicably between themselves in the future.

Sit with them and ask the child with the grievance to tell the other what they found upsetting, or that they found was a cause for concern and consequently shared/disclosed by telling you.

Ask yourself if the concern is an appropriate or an inappropriate one - was anyone hurt physically or emotionally or is it maybe a situation that involves understanding, turn taking.

1. Help explain why appropriate behaviour is ok in your setting - why you allow things as a parent/professional that the other child may not be familiar with.
or
2. invite communication that helps each child to explain what they did and why.

Do you have any child initiated rules for expected behaviour - ones they've set themselves for everyone to treat each other fairly? It may be one way to help them govern their own and each others behaviour and responses. Call on them individually, reminding them to check for themselves if they feel a rule has been broken, & have them discuss what they agreed to and why eg: hitting hurts and isn't nice.

A time out space can also help for self elected exclusion, somewhere children can go when they want quiet and privacy - a safe haven corner maybe, where any one disrupting the quiet can be asked to take noisier play to a more suitable area.

Conflict resolution activities on partnership for children.org.uk may help with ideas.

It isn't easy, best wishes with it xx

[vints]

Hello,
Thank you so much for the advice. I think part of it was competition for my atttention by my son and the other part was just settling in. I have has a word with both of them and it seems to be better now. I let them both know they were important to me and so was their good behaviour. The mindee also has a younger sister who is 2 and requires a lot of attention from me so I think this is another factor for the bad feelings that were brewing.
I have been spending more time with my son now after they leave (even tho I just want a huge glass os wine and my bed!!) and thats reall helped.

Thanks again, will definately have a look at the website tho. xx