Hi, hugs, this is difficult. All children communicate in such different ways, in other establishments you might find a more consolidated approach to managing behaviour which makes working together as a team and as deployed individuals feel much safer and proactive. What recording method does the setting use for incidents and is it being used to help find support?
You don't mention his parents, are you able to chat with them about daily activities. Do they feel the time they take to listen to him at home helps his communication and vocabulary skills?
To help you feel a little more confident in managing this and enjoy the thought of going to work, plan to take back control, get to know him as a unique individual and get to know the behaviours separately. What does he like doing, where does he show the greatest interest even if it's fleeting - outside with small cars, sit and rides, is he focussed on gross motor, whole body play rather than fine motor, stationary play and learning. Does he enjoy storybooks, making marks with crayons, sticks in sand and constructing, building, pouring things are there any particular times of the nursery's day that he finds particularly difficult to deal with, waiting, lining up, seated times ..
The requirement of eyfs states that each child should be assigned a keyperson/worker. Do you know who that might be in your setting and if they've had the opportunity to make observations about his interests. Does he like messy play, feet in squelchy paint, climbing, sliding, swinging, mirrors, rotation, balancing, jumping, bouncing, crawling through tunnels ..
Try to see why he does what he does and where.. in that morally, socially, emotionally he is experimenting with and finding out for the first/second/third/fourth time about rules, boundaries, expectations, discovering how right and wrong exists in so many contrasting situations, what empathy is, why friend's cry, what makes them happy, how can and does he make himself heard, what makes his adults react, how it feels to be with someone playing cooperatively or to be part of a group, what it's like to be inside and the difference with being outside, what it feels like to unintentially make someone sad, what it feels like to be able to do that again, come to terms with / understand how behaviours at home and behaviours at the setting might be viewed and dealt with differently.
What does he do when you're together quietly engaged in an activity and you smile at him?
The behaviours ..
Spitting - is it because a child is cross, reacting to a socially awkward situation, removing a bad taste or something hot from their mouths, are they 'saying' I don't like this, I made you laugh so I'll do it again, I don't like what you did, why did you take it away from me or why did you take me away from it? I have control of me and I can let you know how upset/uncomfortable something's made me feel - I'll spit at you because I've seen how it makes you react and that reaction is one that makes me feel better, now you're just as cross/concerned as I am.
As an adult, you can ask or reflect on why it's considered inapporpriate to spit. If you look at it as an expulsion of 'material that we find objectionable or that it's an act that intiates a series of muscular and intellectual actions that exercises and hones tactile and projectile skills you'll maybe see how the act of spitting can be an accomplishment.
The risk of cross contamination through saliva, a bodily fluid is a health consideration that all early years providers have regard to. Contagious diseases are spread through spitting, mouthing toys, kissing, licking in the same way that sneezing launches disease into the air so it's something you'll find needs monitoring & will involve cleaning routines. Would it fair to say that spitting is considered by society and by individuals to be disrespectful rather being seen as a way to express and communicate emotion and is an act that triggers affront, confrontation and conflict.
Hitting - is it because a child is cross, communicating through contact or maybe retaliation, why did you do that to me/ why did that happen to me / why aren't you listening to me / why aren't you playing with me / I want to go and do an activity somewhere and I want you to come with me / I don't know how to respond to your happiness, I don't know how to respond to your sadness, hitting is a physical contact that might be a way I can show you I've seen, I understand, I care, is hitting/tapping/smacking a method that the child knows controls or 'stops behviour which they then imitate with their peers and others.
Poking eyes - eyes are a feature of a face that enable a direct connection with someone, from birth eyes communicate meaning. Would poking an eye, if you weren't aware it would hurt be a way to say I know you saw me, I don't want you to watch me, I like you, I like us playing together, share my toy. Are children's spatial and distance awareness skills perfected enough not to bump a face. Do children think you see something more clearly the closer they place it to your eyes.
Aside from generally, if poking escalated to become repetitive, appear vindictive, targetted/is directed at a specific individual discuss this with colleagues. Visual or sensory impairement, bullying, victimisation and intimidation needs to be evaluated, they are emotive actions that will be felt by others and those children's responses to poking might fuel a sense of empowerment/control that the child perpetrating the poking finds inapporiately satisfying/rewarding - if possible look at what's going on in this child's life for them to feel so out of control, how can it be that this is the only way they can gain some element of control and sense of self-worth. Who listens to them, who discusses things with them, who makes them feel part of each and every day's events. Alternatively, medical intervention might be needed for parents to have a child's sensory needs evaluated.
Could you develop an approach to the activities in your setting that has a 'safety first moment' where you've planned to introduce risk assessment to the children before enabling free access to tools eg. for the spoons that you've identified as being used as something to chase with, gather them all up and plan an activity with them, ask the children in your 'safety moment' how spoons can be used - explore digging, patting, stirring and, ask if it's possible that someone could be hurt by a spoon, check to see if the children think being hurt is nice then finish with a request to agree boundaries of conduct .. 'how can we agree to use spoons safely?
Move on to the newly planned activity ..
eg. Spoon activities:
Indoors: buried treasures in the sand need recovering and taking to the pirate market for sale ..
Outdoors: mud and grass soup
Craft: prepare some spoons by drilling holes in them, provide beads, threads and create hand held dangly mobiles or puppets to role play with.
A large concern is that by not addressing harmful behaviour as a team it could damage the relationships that the setting has with its other parents. Maybe ask your manager about event sampling and incident recording so that you're able to see if there are any patterns to the behaviour. If appropriate ask about having dough out daily, clay, modelling mediums that require physical strength to shape, pummel, knead and roll. See what activities surrounding feelings are planned and use them to expand children's ability to communicate .. 'If you're cross and you know it say 'I'M CROSS' angry face. 'If you're sad and you know it say 'I'M SAD' down turned mouth...
It does take a huge amount of energy to deal with challenging behaviour xx, early years is much about firsts for children who find themselves away from home and learning about how others expect them to behave. With permission, use your senco to the max, have a really good talk with them and see what they suggest once observations have been made.
I hope this helps a little, let us know how it goes
Best wishes xx
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him for safety he spits at me & screams. His language & understading are o.k for his age, one to one with an adult he can be co-operative. I only work 3 days a week & was off today, but my manager phoned to ask if there'd been an incident yesterday as a child's dad had complained his little boy was crying after nursery yesterday, To be honest each day is one big incident of trying to prevent him harming the others, and I know the others are afraid of him & it really upsets me. Also the whole atmosphere in the room is stressful & the others copy his behaviour & some also hit now. My manager seems to think he's not that bad, even though all the staff have witnessed many many incidents & have brought up his behaviour before, but his behaviour is so bad I don't want to go to work at all. I've spoken to our area manger, who's our senco, & she's going to come & observe him soon, but in the mean time, how do I cope with him? & work? My manager's phone call made me feel like it was somehow my fault, although I feel like I'm doing my best. I'm a mum of 2, but have only worked in a nursery for a year...is this kind of problem behaviour common in nurseries?
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