Swearing and a 3 yr old

Both myself and the parent of a 3 yr old I care for have a problem with her swearing. The 3 yr old has excellent language skills and can be very eloquent. Unfortunately the child's teenage sibling thought is was funny to teach her to say lots of swear words. We have tried all the methods we can think of to try and stop the behaviour (looked at copious childcare books). We have tried to ignore it with the hope that it would peter out but this hasn't happened. Her parent's assure me that they don't use bad language at home and I most definitely don't.
The older children I care for now ignore it (they've given up saying '......said a nought word', and thereby drawing attention to it), however I also care for 2 younger children, the older of which is starting to repeat some of the words, in fact yesterday they were playing in a tent in the garden and I overheard the 3 yr old telling the 2 yr old to say 'f*** off' and 'bu**er off' and I rapidly called them out to play with water.
Does any one out there have any suggestions that may help?

[SomeoneSpecial]

teaching the girl to say an alternet word like suger instead of the swear word might work.

a swear box-if the little girl uses unwanted words a toy or something of hers goes in the box.

sticker chart? a sticker for every play session she gets by without swearing

you could try a time out and then explain that she cannot use the words.

you could also observe and note when she is most often swearing and see if its in a particular situation-maybe its when she is with other children for a certain period of time?

see if you can make up a rhyme about not swearing or about being nice to encourage good language

get a book about it

also you could try saying something she hasnt heard much when she swears like "excuise me" or "how rude" instead of what you usually say. also use a thumbs down gesture to reinforce that it is an unwanted thing.

hope this helps

the teenage sibling may also need dealing with at home.. the child is probably copying what she thinks is right.. particularly if she is telling younger children to say ****

She may see this as the norm...

good ideas from someonespecial

Thanks I'll try the alternate word (and suggest it to mum too)...maybe 'fiddlesticks' or something similar and a bit funny (other suggestions gratefully received).
The swear box wouldn't work as she doesn't bring toys etc from home and we tried the sticker chart to no effect.
We're using time out at the moment, it works for a while, but a few hours dowm the line or the next day it's forgotten. Some days she seems to be in and out of time out, so you kind of wonder if it's counter-productive.
I've observed her and noted the times when the swearing is most prevelent - it's those times when you can't give her the attention she wants like when you're serving dinner or you're on the phone. I've tried numerous ways of distracting her but you can't do it 100% of the time and she seems to wait just for those moments before letting off a tirade of expletives.
I'll get my thinking cap on about a rhyme.
Do you know of any books? I've got various childcare ones like toddler taming, discipline without smacking or shouting etc
Thankfully the teenage sibling has been dealt with.

Any more brilliant suggestions out there?
thanks

[SomeoneSpecial]

try the swear box at home maybe? if the girl swears in your care tell the parent infront of the child and exaderate your disapointment and then the parent takes the toy away again showing disapointment once at home but if she goes without swaring tell the parent enthusiastically infront of the child and maybe a small reward can be given to her by the parent say after a week if she is improving so you have your positive and negative reinforcement in place

also you could try giving exrtra praise when she is using acceptable language for example "that is lovely talking to your frends that way well done" making it very clear when she is doing what you want

also try when she is swearing commenting to other children about their good/friendly talking.

also try giving the girl a job (but introduce as a good fun thing so she is not pressured) - explain she has to be a good role model and show the younger children how to be friendly -i.e how to talk and get mum to talk about it as well come up with a story for her about it and really give a lot of praise but when she is swearing remind her by saying for example "oh dear are you being a good role model?"

explain it upsets you when she swears "oh no thats not nice you have made me sad now"

also possibly activities about feelings-circle time, face pictures etc could help her as it seems she tends to swear most when not getting her own way or not getting attention

and there are stories about adults being busy and the child being there trying to get attention but not getting it but at the end they learn that the adults are still looking after them and love them. there is one about a boy who yells and the adults say not now but then they all have a hug at the end but i can not remember what it is called-look in the libary for stories and story sacks

there are behavioural books by beaver and penny tassoni that are very good

reasure mum theres nothing to worry about copying means she has great observational skills and its normal for children to go through phases of showing unwanted behaviours especially at age 3

also another thing you could do is say stop! then count to 5 as a warning to stop before time out-(try a different time out place as well) when counting 1..2...3...4... ...5 use your hand as well put a finger up for each number after doing it a few times like that when she is swearing get her attention i.e patting her shoulder gentley to get her to turn to face you and only do the hand gesture with a look-this way if you are on the phone you can still comunicate with her while still being able to talk on the phone get her parent to do the same at home also.

[Ruthierhyme]

If it is attention that's causing the problem in your home the only way this idea has the possibility to work is if you control every aspect of it.

All attempted negotiations (unless it feels right at a much later date) need to be blanked out and appear un registered.

A telephone sweet Jar or box - in view but 'ish out of reach.. giving out or offering a sweet is at your sole discretion .. this can be immediately the phone rings, during the conversation or with a hug and big well done at the end of the call.

She is little to be given complicated reasons as to why she isn't getting a sweet should & when she does swear.. so personally acknowledge & again unemotionally blank that behaviour, then .. at the end of the call calmly, happily & regardlessly give her a sweet with a 'thankyou for waiting' ... for the phone call to finish - before you were able, allowed or had the time to reward her - ie: you got through the call without having to verbally/facially/ emotively deal with any behavioural issues ... that is the part, that could backfire lol, it may resort to you having to put a door between the two of you so that you can deny you heard anything - when the other children tell you .. give them a smile & hug and ask them to 'wink' bear with you both, don't keep this from the little one though, if she understands something is going on and enquires about it she may well be ready for more indepth reasoning as to why swearing during phone calls isn't necessary.. involving the others in your care also helps shift some of the strategy's responsibility & inclusion .. so should be done with care. They too, should without question be included / made aware that they are welcome to have a sweet when things go - or maybe not - according to plan ..

For tea time, as suggested, where 'dealing with' rather than the shock of a sudden outbusrt/slip up happened, I'd probably ride over and ignore the words as well, substituting for an alternative without acknowledging who spoke the misdemeanour ..

Hope this helps .. let us know what happens !!

I think it may be Not Now Bernard! Not 100% sure tho!

Not had any swearing for over a week now! :) Thank you for your advice

[Ruthierhyme]

That's great news, well done for seeing out whatever you did