Resilient Children?
How do you help them to achieve this?
There is plenty to read and if I give you a pointer or two, you can read further and expand on your questions.
To get children to become resilient - to rely on themselves, they've got to believe that they are capable of doing this - how can adults help them?
PSE - adults have got to take children seriously, listen to them, make them feel that they are important, encourage children to try things out for themselves (you start with young children, by being close by, so they know there is an adult there if they need them - this often gives them more confidence to try things). You praise and encourage and praise, if they say things such 'I can't do it, or it's wrong again' when completing a jigsaw, you encourage them by saying they aren't doing anything wrong they are trying/practising; you can tell them when you learnt knitting/cooking/skiing you had to try many times until you could do something.
You help build children's confidence, self-esteem and self-image - having those will help anyone (of whatever age) and build up resilience to try things out, not give in or up, learn that it's perfectly normal to try some things often before they have accomplished something, but not worrying if they don't don't suceed in everything.
You can help by talking at circle time of something that you are not so good at i.e. everytime I try and grow a plant it dies, and finish off with - but I'm very good at washing my car and making it shine like new. read stories of resilience i.e. Jack and the beanstalk.
Adults can help in the manner we deal and speak with them. You can see children who are learning resilience when they have a minor accident - some mothers may say 'Never mind, let's give it a magic rub/kiss better' and they run off again, some rub their own leg as an adult asks them if they are alright, 'Yes' they say and run off with their friends.
Some mothers rush over and make a fuss, the child responds by howling even if they only brushed against a bush, and this often becomes the learned behaviour. Each time the child howls, the mother runs over - it doesn't have to be something 'big' - but the child is totally dependent on it's parent. The adult in this case is not doing their child any good by being overly attentive - their child is not building up independence or resilience.
Children who are helped to build up good resilience are able to cope with change much better - transitions - going up to school, becoming more independent in seeing to their own needs. They feel good within their own skin - and feel more able to attempt things.
So children
need us to accept them for whom they are
loving them and making them feel special and appreciated/important
Helping them achieve sucess by not having too great an expectation of them and praising them
Helping them to see that failed attempts are normal for us all - we are just practising/trying
Giving children a little responsibility - perhaps being in charge of something - helping to tidy up or something they like to help with and/or able to do.
Teaching them how to behave to others that promotes their behaviour and dispositions
Teach children to solve problems and make decisions
Try and think of some activities where they could achieve any of the above - i.e. preparing and making their own snack - making sandwiches - getting everything ready, chosing the filling and making it. Doing something from start to finish will give them a sense of achievment.
Resilience is something that needs to be built up in layers.
Some children may have a better disposition/character that may make them gain resilience a little easier, for those that don't have such an 'easy' nature, they may need a little more help to gain pse skills to help them build up their resilience.
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