Once again I am in your debt - Thank you x..........................Children learn to build relationships with adults, show mutual respect, courtesy, understand how to behave in certain situations and learn to communicate effectively as they grow up around positive role models. If as adults - we didn't accept that children were all individual and we were unable to build relationships with them - we would not gain any trust, there would be no respect, we would not be listened to, the child would not be interested in engaging with us, the child would 'rule the roost', there would be no discipline and many behavioural problems as the child would not respect the adult when rules and boundaries were put in place, this would become a cycle of cause and effect. the adult could react in a negative way towards the child and the child would reciprocate the behaviours back.
Children are always taking in and reading/reacting to situations, the learning from them, how we are as adults, will have an impact on the building of our relationships with the children:
* Communicating effectively - We must appreciate that shouting at or ignoring a child will make them feel worthless, degrading and unapproachable.
* Identifying and sorting out conflicts and agreements - Children would think its acceptable to have conflicts and disagreements, and allow the disagreements to get more serious as they grow, we must show a child that to move on - we need to find solutions to problems, work through them and build a trust and reassurance.
* Being fair and consistent - The child seeing that you are consistent, you present and act consistently enough for the child to trust and know that you will be approachable and react in a consistent way. Creating firm and fair boundaries and making consequences clear, fair and consistent - showing no favouritism
* Showing respect and courtesy - by treating the children and other adults with respect and courtesy, the children will learn from us and pass on the same values.
* Valuing and respecting individuality - respecting that all children are different, have different strengths, likes/dislikes, attitudes and will respond in different ways to certain situations. We need to show the child that we are comfortable with their differences and them as an individual, and encourage their individuality.
* Keeping confidentiality as appropriate - is all about building trust and relationships. children and adults will be able to come and divulge information to you -knowing it will not go any further (Unless the information is a safeguarding risk)
* Keeping promises and honouring commitments - being consistent, doing something when you say you will mean so much to a child, it shows them respect, shows you are dependable and reliable and that you are thinking about them individually.
* Recognising and responding appropriately to the power base underpinning relationships - means that although we are the adult and our role is guide and protect the children we work with, we will not treat them as a lower member of the human race, not order them about but speak to them in the same manner we expect to be spoken back in.
* Physical contact - the giving of physical contact is important in all ages and stages of life, just a touch on the arm or a gentle hug can be reassurance for children, and for babies - to be picked up and cuddled. We all need physical human contact
* Using everyday routines -is reassurance and trust building in itself, we learn about daily routines, organisational skills, the child feeling safe and secure because they know what to expect on a daily basis- perhaps the same person undertaking the same task daily.
* The carer's responsiveness - showing a child that you will and can notice the sign that they need your attention - such as a baby crying, facial expressions when a child is struggling. its the child knowing that you are paying enough attention to them to be able to respond in the appropriate manner to pacify their needs.
* Reassurance and approval- Reassurance and approval are important as children are beginning to develop an awareness of themselves, and it is important that their self-concept is a positive one. Praising, being there to encourage, a reassuring smile, physical reassurance such as pat on the back can be helpful for children who have speech problems, sometimes children are eager to show you what they have done or achieved - they are looking for approval, when trying new things - the child may come for reassurance from you. This shows that you are OK with what they're doing, you approve and are giving them permission to carry on.
* Listening to children - listening to the children and being able to engage in a meaningful conversation with them show that you are listening, listening and respecting what they are saying and listening attentively will make the child feel valued and respected. they learn to know that if they have a question or just want to talk - you will be there for them and listen.
Children and young people are all different and they differ in age and development, needs and personality. This needs to be taken into consideration when we communicate with children and adapt our ways of working and communicating effectively around the child and in the way they will recognise and understand. We don't always get the same response and level of relationships with each child of the same age and stage. the ways in which then adults around the child react, talk to, engage and interact with the child will make a difference. Until an adult gets to know a child a little - we can not use our 'usual' approach to engage that child. If the child see's professionals at ease and feeling relaxed, the children will also fell this vibe. Children are also extremely very good at reading situations. They can tell when an adult's smile is genuine and when the adult is really interested in what the child is doing. It is important that the child knows you will be there for them, they can trust you and they feel safe enough to build that relationship with you.
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